frank hermans | top 10 worst ny resolutions | january 2017
When Andrew Kruse (editor of Frankly Green Bay) approached me to write a top-10 worst New Year's resolutions list, I jumped at the chance. Then I realized, hmm, I have never really made a New Year's resolution. I've had them, and tried to make them stick for, maybe a week. But over the years I have lived in close proximity to many resolutions and have seen many fail. So, here is my list of the worst New Year's resolutions of other people.
No. 10 – I'm going to make it to church every Sunday.
I'm not sure who I heard this one from but I believe it was someone in my family. From what I recall, they did well until a late Saturday night at a local establishment put a halt to this one.
No. 9 – I'm never going to eat fast food again.
I actually tried this last year and made it to January 3rd when The Diablo, Taco Bell, hypnotized me into their drive thru. Or maybe it was 2 a.m. after a gig and the pork rinds from Kwik Trip just didn't cut it.
No. 8 – I'm going to limit myself to only losing $100 at the slot machines.
Heard this one at Purcell's on NYE of '92. So they pumped $500 into a machine on NYE and bounced a check to make sure they got it all in in '92. Saw the customer at a TYME machine the next night.
No. 7 – I'm only drinking on the weekend.
Had a friend try this and actually do pretty good until the Packers played on Monday night. He said he didn't drink on Sunday that week so he was good. He just got his third DWI.
No. 6 – I'm going to stop coaching my kid while he's playing.
This is one I wish every parent would do. There is nothing worse than hearing a parent yell at his child while he or she is playing during a school sport. The coach is there for a reason.
No. 5 – I am never shopping at Wal-Mart again.
While I applaud the effort, this is harder than you think, especially when you need diapers, a tooth brush, Pringles and a 12-pack at the same time and you only have a 10 spot, just sayin'.
No. 4 – I'm going to walk to work or school every day to save on gas.
You do know this is Wisconsin, right? Home of Saskatchewan Screamer and Torcanos. And our weathermen feel the need to name every snowfall of 6-inches or less of snow and scare the crap out of everyone.
No. 3 – I'll only have one cup of coffee a day.
Then you wake up.
No. 2 – I'm going to get in shape.
This is what keeps the workout clubs in business. They wait to catch you on New Year's Day and get you to buy a yearly membership to a gym that you'll visit five times. Listen to all the ads on TV and Radio!
No. 1 – I'm going to lose 20 pounds.
Kinda the same as No. 2 but different. This is where Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem and pyramid scams like Isagenix and others make a buck. While a product may be good, no matter how overpriced, a product won't change your mindset. You have to want it.
There you have it: my worst resolutions list. I hope I made you chuckle a bit as all was meant in fun. While I do think mind over matter is the best way to do anything, having a resolution can work. My mother has never cheated during Lent, can you say that? I, on the other hand, enjoy a steak on Friday once in a while. Here's to safe a prosperous New Year. God bless and we will see you at a LMBF show!