tom smith | make green bay weird | oct. 2018
Phony Beatlemania currently has not bitten the dust in Green Bay, or should I say Paul McCartneymania, or even Wingsmania. The reason for this is because of a Facebook ad by the Paul McCartney organization that strongly suggests that McCartney has an unannounced show scheduled in Green Bay next June at Lambeau Field. This rumored concert at the cathedral of football, to say the least, has energized the Paul McCartney fanbase who already are basking in the glow of the brand new McCartney album “Egypt Station," an album some Paul McCartney fans are calling, “As good as his last record, whatever that was."
I personally am fired up for the possibility of this happening because my esteemed editor here at “Frankly Green Bay"has enough journalistic capital built up that I'm sure him arranging a face-to-face interview with Sir Paul McCartney will be no problem. The only thing I'm worried about is narrowing down what iconic Green Bay food joint to conduct the interview at. The shortlist of venues of where to conduct this interview are Jake's Pizza, Al's Hamburgers, an empty and dark Los Banditos East, Taco Burrito Mexico on Webster, a show at the Lyric Room where Pierre brings tacos, Kroll's North (not open yet), and last but not least, the Walgreens on E. Mason where I will inform Sir Paul was the location of Green Bay's first Taco John's (I of course will regale him with stories of how much I loved their enchiladas in the '70s).
I will start out the interview with a few softball lob questions for him, starting with “When will the box set of isolated Linda McCartney background vocal tracks be released? How do you deal with the constant sentiment being expressed that the Beatles peaked with Pete Best? Why did Wings never tour with the Ramones? Are you really dead, and if so, were you replaced by either an android, a clone, an alien, a ghost, a ghost-alien, a ghost-clone, somebody who has had plastic surgery like at the beginning of the James Bond classic 'Thunderball,'or are you the fourteenth Cylon model? Any chance the walrus really was Mike Holmgren? Any regrets on turning down that $3,000 Lorne Michaels offered the Beatles to reunite on Saturday Night Live? Any truth to the rumor the Beatles were incredibly close to firing John Lennon and replacing him with Michael Nesmith? Any recording sessions with Cardi B planned? When do you plan on having Rick Rubin produce a comeback album? Will the Beatles ever play Coachella? Since you own the rights to the song, 'On Wisconsin,' do you ever think of Wisconsin? How about that Cleveland Browns win over the New York Jets? In a related question, how much money do you make in a year from them using the song 'Jet' at New York Jets' games? Was Jerick McKinnon drafted in any of your fantasy football leagues? Why isn't the Beatles' catalogue currently available in pre-recorded cassette? Were the Beatles ever accused of racism over that 'White Album' thing? Do you think John Lennon, if he was alive, would be active in the #MeToo movement? Explain to me how your theme from the movie “Spies Like Us"has never appeared on an album, only on 45?"
I also plan to have a Chris Farley moment with him where I go to him, “Remember that time you went to Japan and you got busted for marijuana? Do you remember that?" Since marijuana is alleged to be a “gateway drug," do you blame your coke addiction in the '70s on Bob Dylan introducing the Beatles to marijuana? Why wasn't “So Bad" from “Pipes of Peace" a chart topper? When you perform “Say Say Say" at Lambeau Field, any chance the Rev. Norb will be invited to do the Michael Jackson part? He is our closest thing to Michael Jackson in Green Bay. He will not wear a glove, but he might wear those crazy bellbottoms he performed in at All Messed Up//920 at the Lyric Room. When you perform “Ebony and Ivory" at Lambeau Field, you should consider having Holly Trasti of Holly and the Nice Lions perform that with you, but you should have her do the Paul McCartney part of the song and you do the Stevie Wonder part. (I must confess this is inspired by my desire to see Holly Trasti and the Rev. Norb perform a gender-reversed duet of the Human League's “Don't You Want Me?") Have you considered jump-starting your career by doing another James Bond theme? Who was the coolest Beatle, dead or alive? Do you ever thank Yoko Ono for breaking up the Beatles? Are you also still mad she broke up the Plastic Ono Band? Did you see any parallels between the whole “the Beatles are bigger than Jesus" backlash and the cd burning and persecution of the Dixie Chicks? How excited were you when you found out Taco Bell is now on Uber Eats? Do you still play benefit concerts? It seems like that was a big thing with you for a while. Be honest with me, Paul, was your cameo in the Tracy Ullman video for “They Don't Know" probably the coolest thing you did? Speaking of cameos, would you be interested in making an appearance in a Let Me Be Frank Production that will be happening when you are in Green Bay? This still untitled play is about how Frank Ramone and his high school band from New Liverpool (it's right by New London) take a ferry in the summer of '62 across Lake Michigan to establish a residence at the Stars Club in New Hamburg, Michigan. I also think Sir Paul should be introduced by Green Bay native Tony Shalhoub because he starred in the TV show “Wings."
Now it's time to address the elephant in the room — to quote Vince Lombardi, what the hell is going on out there? Why are the Green Bay Packers negotiating with an ex-member of Wings when they have not yet finalized The Jesus Lizard at Lambeau Field? Also for the record, I'm totally cool with Wings co-headlining with The Jesus Lizard. I will have flown to Portland by the time you read this to see The Jesus Lizard perform live (the day before in Portland I will see Mudhoney and the Scientists from Australia kicking off their first U.S. tour ever), and imagine my embarrassment if I bump into David Yow at Voodoo Donuts and he starts busting my balls about Wings at Lambeau Field and The Jesus Lizard hasn't been booked yet. Thanks, Packers' organization, you're really putting me in a bad spot. I have a few updates since I last wrote about The Jesus Lizard at Lambeau Field: There has been a change in the plans for the food provided for this event because an exclusive contract for all the food vending has been awarded to Pierre Jacque, a.k.a. the Tacos by Pierre guy (but he does much more than tacos! In fact, his nachos at All Messed Up//920 were delicious!)
Jay Tiller of Couch Flambeau called me at work after reading my article on The Jesus Lizard at Lambeau Field to personally tell me that Couch Flambeau would love to play with Killdozer and The Jesus Lizard at Lambeau, I'm also thinking of adding WWE superstar Elias, because with the impact of a superstar like this, the Green Bay Packers can't say no. Since we're on the subject of Couch Flambeau and Elias, I must state that I would love to see Elias perform at a WWE event in Cudahy, Wisconsin, and hear him tell the residents of Cudahy that their city is a dumpster fire and, no wonder Santa skips Cudahy. I know some people think that booking The Jesus Lizard at Lambeau Field is too ambitious of an undertaking. Well, I say you are wrong, and if the Packers can give us Steve Miller in the parking lot (I feel bad for the state fair that was absent of their headliner that night), we can have The Jesus Lizard inside the stadium. Well, how about this for a less ambitious undertaking, let's see Alejandro Escovedo at the Meyer Theatre. I don't know how this hasn't happened already, you had Steve Earle, it seems logical that you'd be bringing in Alejandro.
Live long and prosper, and remember, WWDY stands for Walk With David Yow.
--banner image courtesy FreakingNews.
Since 1984, when he first began selling records at Galaxy of Sound inside the Port Plaza Mall, Tom Smith has been part of the Green Bay music scene. Promoting his first show in 1986 and hitting his stride with the Concert Café (1995-2001), Smith continues to promote shows in Green Bay. He first honed his journalistic chops while serving as a student DJ at WGBW, interviewing such icons as Motörhead and the Ramones. Today you can find him championing live music and managing The Exclusive Company in Green Bay.